How am I feeling about this????

Now that I am done writing my posts on honoring,
I thought I might focus in on the whole losing of my hair aspect.

People have been really interesting throughout this little project of mine.

Some look at me in horror.
Some look at me like I am crazy.
Some look at me and really stare as if they are imagining what I will look like without hair.
Some just grunt and walk the other way - (really?).
Others come up and ask - "are you nervous yet?"

I have to laugh - because I am not in the least bit nervous.
And I have been spending some time wondering what that means.
Why am I not nervous about losing my hair?

Is it because I am so passionate about this project?
Is it because I am overweight and don't feel terrific about my appearance anyway?
Is it because I am in a committed marriage and am not trying to impress anyone?
What is it?

I actually feel like this is a really good thing.

I have had red hair all my life yet the very top is white, a small oval of white. The rest of my head is salt and pepper.  I have been coloring for well over 10 years now and  while my stylist is the master of mixing my true "used to be color", lately I have been questioning how many more years can I continue being a redhead?

Ever see those poor woman in their 70's with fake red hair?  I do NOT want to look like that.

So, the silver lining in this, no pun intended, is that by shaving all the red off, I will be able to judge whether being a "blue hair" will work for me.

If it comes in and I really don't like the way the white/salt/pepper thing looks or I feel that I am too young to go grey, then I can color it again. But this will be an easy way to see.

Sure, people are going to stare.
Some will laugh.
Some will talk behind my back.

But I am not focusing on those. I am trying to focus on all the people I can engage in conversation as they see my "Ask me why I am bald!" button.  A good deal of donations come in after you shave, so they say. 

I went to a movie last night called "1 A Minute". 
It was about breast cancer  - quite apropos for this week I thought. While it pained me that I was the ONLY one in the audience, I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Actually enjoyed it not the right word but I am so glad I went.   I learned so much - one fact that I wish I hadn't learned was that a woman dies somewhere in this world from breast cancer every minute.

1 A MINUTE~!

That statistic is obscene to me. Especially when you think that with early detection, this disease can be pretty beatable. 

1 A MINUTE !   Whew....

If my bald head triggers ONE woman to go get checked, or one man to go have a colonoscopy, or one mother to take her child for a persistent pain, it will be worth it. 

Just one......

So, I have no idea how I am going to feel as I sit in that chair on Sunday, but for now I have no butterflies, no doubts, no worries.  Just a deep knowing that I in some small way doing my part.  And it feels good.