Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My first day at work.....

I am very interested to see people's reactions - this is going to be fun!

I spent the better part of today making head scarves.  12 of them.
And when Melissa got home from her show, we picked our favorite to wear tomorrow.

I have a Hopice training after work that I have been asked to speak at so it will also be this kind of day:


Sunday, October 10, 2010

Once upon a time, I had a lot of hair........

Now as I sit here - my head is completely bare.....

Just a quick post to say that I am exhausted, but before I climb into a warm hat and bed, I wanted to thank everyone who made today such a success.

Hunter - I cannot put into words the appreciation I have for this man ---  my fellow shavee!  You, my friend, are amazing - and can't wait to hear all your "rub the head" stories!

Brad B from GoFish Productions who donated him time and was the best DJ we could have asked for! 

Laine Bissonette - my personal hair stylist who donated her time ---  loved having you be the one to shave my head, Laine!!

Thanks to Laurie and Co at the Lafayette - you guys ROCK!

Carol M and North Congregational for some good ole fashioned popcorn!  YUM!

The Raynham Call for sending out a photographer - thanks Emily! 

Fox25 news for sending out a camera guy - Walter, you were great!

And all my family and friends who were there to support me - you have NO idea what that meant to me.  No idea......... from the bottom of my heart - I love you all!

Will be posting a full report tomorrow - but for now...
I leave you with this:

Thursday, October 7, 2010

And now a little humor.....................

Humor ---  cuz this can't all be so serious.......
And humor is at my core, I love to laugh.

I want to go back to my hair for this post.
I realized that I may never have red hair again and decided that I wanted to document it for posterity. Something I could put in my scapbook for looking back in the years ahead.

So, Saturday night, Melissa - Amy - Ellen and I all sat around and they styled my hair in over twenty different styles. We took pictures of each and every one.  I sat in the same place each hairdo so that I can create some slideshow fun with them.

We did some funky styles - like a 70's flower child, The Snookie poof and even the Lady Gaga Bow.



It was a lot of fun!  Want a sneak peek?



Remember Cousin IT?

This photo shoot got me thinking..  There are a lot of accessories that I will no longer need come Monday.  Well at least not initially.




Not going to be needing a comb or a brush.







Spending the summer with almost to my waist hair - I used these a lot, just to get the hair up off my neck.




Or these - they worked better becuase they don't leave creases in my hair.






I use a ton of these all the time - to pull my hair off my face and fasten it into a bun.






So those are the things that I will be throwing into a shoebox for awhile I guess.

Then I started thinking - what am I going to be using?

I grabbed some pretty colored hats.




And then someone told me my head would be cold, so ......





These should come in handy as sleep caps too.


I purchased a chemo head scarf - really pretty but really expensive.  So I took it apart and after a trip to the fabric store, I have a selection of material to make my own scarves with..........









Am thinking I pretty much have the head covered now -- 


Then, just to show you how my mind works, there are some other things that I have been thinking about, like:

I think my morning routine will be a bit shorter now.
I think I will use a whole heck of a lot less shampoo.
Will conditioner even be necessary?
I have always had an awful case of dandruff in the fall  - will I have to use moisturizer on my head?
Will the dandruff just blow off my head in the wind?
Will my strawberry birthmark at the base of my head really show now?
Wonder if I have any other birthmarks that I don't know about?
Wonder if my head is bony? Misshapen?
Will I have veins that are noticible on my head?

All these questions will be answered in just 3 short days.....  tick tock..tick tock......



How am I feeling about this????

Now that I am done writing my posts on honoring,
I thought I might focus in on the whole losing of my hair aspect.

People have been really interesting throughout this little project of mine.

Some look at me in horror.
Some look at me like I am crazy.
Some look at me and really stare as if they are imagining what I will look like without hair.
Some just grunt and walk the other way - (really?).
Others come up and ask - "are you nervous yet?"

I have to laugh - because I am not in the least bit nervous.
And I have been spending some time wondering what that means.
Why am I not nervous about losing my hair?

Is it because I am so passionate about this project?
Is it because I am overweight and don't feel terrific about my appearance anyway?
Is it because I am in a committed marriage and am not trying to impress anyone?
What is it?

I actually feel like this is a really good thing.

I have had red hair all my life yet the very top is white, a small oval of white. The rest of my head is salt and pepper.  I have been coloring for well over 10 years now and  while my stylist is the master of mixing my true "used to be color", lately I have been questioning how many more years can I continue being a redhead?

Ever see those poor woman in their 70's with fake red hair?  I do NOT want to look like that.

So, the silver lining in this, no pun intended, is that by shaving all the red off, I will be able to judge whether being a "blue hair" will work for me.

If it comes in and I really don't like the way the white/salt/pepper thing looks or I feel that I am too young to go grey, then I can color it again. But this will be an easy way to see.

Sure, people are going to stare.
Some will laugh.
Some will talk behind my back.

But I am not focusing on those. I am trying to focus on all the people I can engage in conversation as they see my "Ask me why I am bald!" button.  A good deal of donations come in after you shave, so they say. 

I went to a movie last night called "1 A Minute". 
It was about breast cancer  - quite apropos for this week I thought. While it pained me that I was the ONLY one in the audience, I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Actually enjoyed it not the right word but I am so glad I went.   I learned so much - one fact that I wish I hadn't learned was that a woman dies somewhere in this world from breast cancer every minute.

1 A MINUTE~!

That statistic is obscene to me. Especially when you think that with early detection, this disease can be pretty beatable. 

1 A MINUTE !   Whew....

If my bald head triggers ONE woman to go get checked, or one man to go have a colonoscopy, or one mother to take her child for a persistent pain, it will be worth it. 

Just one......

So, I have no idea how I am going to feel as I sit in that chair on Sunday, but for now I have no butterflies, no doubts, no worries.  Just a deep knowing that I in some small way doing my part.  And it feels good.

Honoring Donna Shah.....................

Thirty one years ago, I started a new job.
 
I was just out of a 2 year computer programming school and was not only starting a new job but was also planning my wedding.  A lot of big things going on in my life.
 
The company that hired me to program for them, was the same company that I had worked three years for as a order picker in their factory. So, while I was somewhat comfortable with the company itself,I was very nervous about meeting the people in my new department.
 
As with a lot of things in my life, I realize now that all that time worrying was for naught. 
The people in the 'computer room', as we called it, were amazingly welcoming.  
They invited me right off the bat to their breaks and their lunches,  included me in shopping forays off the property, potlucks and pretty quickly we formed a close work family. 
 
One girl in particular - Norma and I made an immediate and deep connection.
We just clicked - we really enjoyed each others company, it was as if we had known each other for years.  Since then, we have been through a lifetime of experiences together - weddings,
pregnancies, miscarriages, births, divorces, illnesses, deaths, accidents, aging, triumphs and disappointments. And here we are, 31 years later, two friends who know the other will always be a part of their lives.
 
Over a year ago, when she told me that her sister had been diagnosed with cancer,
my heart did a flip flop and tears sprung immediately to my eyes.
We were headed into unknown territory and it was really scary.
Supporting Norma hasn't been as easy as I thought it was going to be,
for she has had to adjust to this new role in her life and needed to do that privately.
 
So,  when I decided to shave my head, I thought I could do one small thing and
I asked Norma if she would approach her sister Donna to see if I could shave in her honor.
 
The answer was unequivocally yes. 
Along with a rather humorous - "Is she crazy?"
 
I haven't seen Donna for years but I do know that she is a fighter.
And she is fighting the good fight on this one.
 
I asked if there was something she would like to share and
I want to include what she wrote here:
 
 
I found out I had stage IV colorectal cancer in January 2009. 
I was going to get  a gastric by-pass, and they found it on my liver. 
It had gone from my colon to my liver. 
 
I could not believe it. 
 
I had no symptoms, no discomfort and no pain.  It was very shocking. 
 
I had a 10cm tumor and 17 others all over my liver. 
Surgery was out of the question, there was just too much cancer all over my liver. 
Without surgery I will never get rid of my cancer. 
 
I had chemo for 6 months.  
Then when I got my colonoscopy, the cancer in my colon was gone!!! 
 
My Doctor told me that he believed that I had a lot to do with it. 
I reacted well to the chemo, and my attitude he believes had a lot to do with the healing of the cancer. 
I was told always to stay positive, and  I did. 
 
Had a chemo vacation after that news for 6 months. 
When I had my CT scan in January 2010, the tumor was growing again. 
 
I had to go back on chemo again. 
As it stands now, my largest tumor is only 3cm now, and a lot of my little ones are gone.
You can only have the full chemo for a short amount of time. 
I am on maintenance right now just trying to keep the cancer from spreading. 
 
I went to the Mayo Clinic recently, and they are actually looking into surgery again. 
Have not heard yet, but even if I can’t I will still fight to stay alive until they can find a cure for me. 
 
Thanks to people like you, I believe there will be a cure for all cancers someday!!!!!!   Donna Shah
 
Wow.........
 
Hard story to read but a few things really stand out for me --
 
I had chemo for 6 months.  Then when I got my colonoscopy, the cancer in my colon was gone!!! 
 
Can you imagine how that felt?  YAHOO!  Gone! 
It struck me how Donna had no symptoms - yet a large tumor -
then after months of treatment, that same tumor was gone........ 
and her doctor attributed a lot of it to her attitude.
 
I am a firm believer that negativity begets more
and visa versa so this is a good example for me to follow in my life.
 
Another thing Donna said that struck a cord for me was-
 
I will still fight to stay alive until they can find a cure for me. 
 
She will fight to stay alive.  
That hit me like a ton of bricks -
because the day to day routine that I take for granted has turned into a daily fight for Donna.
 
And for so many others just like her.
 
Donna, I want you to know that on Sunday  October 10th, I will join your fight.
As I sit in that chair and let my hair be taken,
I will step into that fight against cancer - even if just for a few short minutes.
 
 
And a quick side note to my dear friend, Norma.
I love you and am here for you, anytime and anywhere.
 
 
 
 

Monday, October 4, 2010

Honoring Melissa Tasca........

Have you ever done something that just feels right even though your inner voices are screaming at you?  It is when I follow my gut that the most amazing things happen and when I don’t, the regrets march in. 

Let me tell you a little story………

My daughter Melissa and I volunteered recently at the “Life Is Good” festival in Canton, MA.  For anyone not familiar with the Life is Good company, it was started back in 1989 by two young men who had a dream of creating a successful t-shirt business. Things took off in 1994 when they printed up their first “Jake” t-shirts based on the character below:




Simple messages of optimism done with humor were what the people wanted and still want so it seems.  From hawking their t-shirts on the streets of Boston to opening retail stores across the country – the Life is Good brand has grown and is promoting good vibes everywhere.

The festivals have been going on since 2003 raising money for one charity or another.  This year, the money went to the Life Is Good Kids Foundation and over $600,000 was raised to help kids overcome life-threatening challenges such as violence, illness and extreme poverty.

My daughter and I were assigned to the Box Office.  It was a great gig for we got to see all the people coming in excited to part of what we were offering.  We met some great people, heard some great stories and enjoyed ourselves so much that we offered to come back the next day when we heard they were going to be shorthanded.

Day 2 seemed to fly by and before we knew it, our shift was over and we headed in to the festival.  Some great acts were going to be performing that night and we wanted to throw a blanket down as close as possible to the main stage so that we wouldn’t miss a thing.

Strolling the grounds on our way to the stage was amazing and something I am not sure I can do justice to with words.  Every where you looked there were people – dancing, playing tag, blowing bubbles, laughing, catching a Frisbee,  singing,  sitting, laying out straight, sleeping – a feast for the eyes and ears.  You couldn’t help but smile – the happiness was contagious.

We found a great spot, threw our blanket down and then headed out to find something to eat.  As we turned, I caught a glimpse of a young woman who had just arrived to the open patch of grass at our left.  She was laughing, joking with her friends and she was bald.

Immediately, my gut said – “go – talk to her”. 

And of course, as my feet started taking me that way – my inner critic said “WHAT? Are you crazy?  What are you going to say to her? Are you just going to walk up and ask her if she has cancer?  She is going to think you are a crazy woman. “

So, I listened to that negativity, turned around and headed in the other direction.  Melissa and I grabbed some food and took it back to our blanket to eat.  As we sat there, I noticed that my gaze was being drawn to the woman with no hair.  Something was telling me to go to her – tell her about St. Baldrick’s – maybe she just shaved for them at an event.

And again, I chose not to.  

A few hours later, coming out of the porta potty enclave, I turned and there she was. 
Now or never – just ignore the inner critic and go for it or regret it forever. 

I approached her, knowing fully that I could very easily come across as a total stalker or an unstable person, but I forced myself to continue. 

Nothing ventured – nothing gained.

I asked if I could ask her an intensely personal question.

Absolutely – she said.

Your hair - did you lose it or shave it?

I lost it.

Bear with me a minute, I asked her and then proceeded to explain that I would be shaving my head in a few weeks for St Baldrick’s.  Since I do not have anyone in my family, immediate or extended, who is being affected with cancer, I wanted to know if she would allow me to shave in her honor.

She said yes.

And that short, 5 minute encounter, there on those grounds remains my favorite memory of the whole weekend. Sometimes it pays to tell that critic voice to just be quiet – that you are going to do what you KNOW is the right thing to do whether it seems ridiculous or not.

As Melissa (yes her name is Melissa too) and I hugged goodbye, we exchanged contact info so that we could keep in touch.  We went back to our respective people and I congratulated myself for being courageous enough to have stepped out of my comfort zone to approach her. 

Life is about the little moments, the human connections, the moments that feed your soul. 

This Sunday, I will be shaving in honor of Melissa Tasca ---  the beautiful bald woman that I met on a hill one summer night while we were celebrating how great life really is.


An attitude of gratitude.........

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. “Well,” she said, “I think I'll braid my hair today.” So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. “Hmm,” she said, “I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.” So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. “Well,” she said, “today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail.” So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. “YAY!” she exclaimed. “I don't have to fix my hair today!”  

Attitude Is Everything.

Honoring Krista Colvin..........

Krista will be the first of three women I will be honoring on the 10th. 

I have never met Krista face to face. As a matter of fact, we have only corresponded over email – 4 emails to be exact (and one with her brother, but more on that in a minute). 

Back in December of last year, I found Krista on the internet.  I was looking for a way to get organized for the new year and she provided just what I was looking for.  She taught people how to become organized in style and I signed up to become a VIP member. 
I started to receive emails showing me how to do the Whole SheBang  (the smart women’s guide to doing it all and doing it well of course).

During the month of January and into February, I set about following her advice. 
I loved her sense of humor and felt like I was “hanging” with a friend.

Then sometime in early March (I believe) I received an email from her stating that she was putting the SheBang on hold – she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was going to spend her time fighting the good fight.  As a matter of fact, she was going to be -

“Putting on my big girl panties and kicking cancer in the ass “

And this became the name of her new blog.

I have followed it from Day 1 and I have to tell you – Krista puts it all out there, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Her blog is a personal look into the life she is living, with her husband, children, extended family, friends and this uninvited guest – cancer.

There are days that I cringe at her post – others that I cry and some that I laugh out loud. 
I have come to worry about Krista, to celebrate her good days and to commiserate with her bad ones. 

One day, a post caught me off guard --- so much so, that I ended up spewing coffee all over my laptop as I read it.  Immediately, I decided to email her and ask if it was okay to honor her at my shaving. 

Before too long, I received word that both she and her brother have given their consent.  Wondering why her brother was involved?  You see, Krista was starting to lose her hair.  She had very mixed feelings about it and a bit of fear.  On a family vacation, where she saw her brothers for the first time since getting her diagnosis, she went to a barber and shaved her head.  When they got back to the house they were staying in, her brother disappeared for a moment and when he came back out, all he had on was a pair of BIG GIRL PANTIES, courtesy of their Mom.  They got a pic of the two of them and this is the picture that I not only lost my coffee on but I now have their permission to post.




Great isn’t it?

I love Krista and her brother.  They demonstrate love and commitment, to each other and to fighting this thing. Krista has a huge group of people there to support her and help her through this low moment in her life.  I am honored that she is allowing all of us a glimpse into that life for I am learning much - about how to deal with a scary diagnosis, how to put up the good fight and how to live with grace and courage.

I will be carrying the above picture with me on the 10th
to take a moment to think of Krista and to honor her courage as she goes through this stage of her life.   She amazes me.

Pam

PS == If you would like to follow Krista in her journey, she would love to have you - her blog address is”


PPS == Oh and it would be totally remiss of me to not mention that it IS October.  And what is that mean?
It is Breast Cancer Awareness month - have you had your mammogram ???????
Self checked??????  Just asking!!!!!!